Yellow Blog, Up High in Banana Tree

I love the beautiful world at night.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Human exudations -- not for the squeamish.

Oh, dear. Don't even ask how this came up, but....

Did you know that there are people out there who give themselves baby poop enemas?

http://curezone.com/cleanse/enema/#What_is_Fecal_Flora_Replacement

The website confidently asserts:

"You find anyone who has a 3 - 18 months old breastfed baby. You take diapers with fresh feces. Color of feces must be yellow, it must not be green, cause green color of feces indicates lack of good bowel bacteria..... You need fresh feces (not older then 12 hours). You can refrigerate diapers with fresh feces, and use it the next day, but the best is if you can get a hold of fresh diapers."

Okay, let me get this straight. You find ANYONE with the appropriately-aged breastfed baby and TAKE diapers with fresh poop? How does one do that on the sly? If thievery is not an option, how does one ask for those diapers? "Ummm....I need your baby's poop to....oh, never mind, can I have some?"

You can then refrigerate the poopy diaper, if you can't get to that enema right away.

And, if you're not pleased with the results for some reason, keep trying. Optimistically, they encourage you to seek the perfect intestinal flora for your needs: "If it doesn't work with one baby, try to find another one. One will work!"

The process is called "Fecal Colon Flora Replacement" (which sounds like a legitimate medical procedure, right?), and they recommend it for -- well, a lot of things, including Autism Spectrum Disorder.

At the top of the page, behold their gleeful enema logo. It's awesome: a graceful cross between getting an enema and competitive diving....yippie!

Forgive me for this entry, everyone.

3 Comments:

  • At 8:06 AM, Blogger Rob said…

    I think it's pretty classy that they remind you to "Discard contents of rectum into toilet" at the end of each...recipe(?). After all, you might get the bright idea of using it for some other purpose....

     
  • At 1:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    I have fine 6-month old baby poop. It is a lovely yellowish color. breastfed human milk only. If you are a ridiculously wealthy emema freak, the cost is $1000 per diaper. I know the price is high, but this is some good shit.

    -tina

     
  • At 10:42 AM, Anonymous D'nah freespirit said…

    I couldn't help but think of this post this morning. While thumbing through "the Stranger guide to seattle: the City's Smartest, Pickiest, Most Obsessive Urban Manual"; the Calendar of Events only has one listing for February: Spring Fecal Fest! Not human exudations, but "Zoo Doo" for peoples gardens. Zebra, elephant and orangutan poop from the Woodland Park Zoo.

     

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